Adventures in Therapy

Well, things went in an interesting direction at my therapy session last week. I mentioned previously that I was apprehensive that it would actually help me since I didn’t think therapies existed for my most pressing issues.

We started the session trying out some games in the Wii Fit Plus. I had tried some at home, and we also tried some new ones. Some of them were too easy, some too hard, but the important question of the day was, according to my therapist: “Was it fun?” It was a resounding no for all. Either they went too fast too early on and I couldn’t catch up, or had a time limit that made me too anxious, or they made sound out of the controller (IT’S NOT MORE IMMERSIVE, DAMMIT NINTENDO!).

On to Wii Sports, which I have played before. Kind of the same deal as the Fit Plus. Either it was too easy (boring), or the motion I was doing didn’t feel like it matched what was happening on the screen (frustrating). Not fun.

Changing gears a bit, we turned on the Xbox and tried some dance game. I was a little more hopeful for this one since I was a Dance Dance Revolution fiend back in the day, though I had to give it up when it started to put too much strain on my joints. While the Kinect gives you more freedom than a mat with arrows on it, there was one hitch: Since I have actual dance experience, I found it too simplistic. I kind of expected this, and I didn’t think that turning up the difficulty would have made it any more interesting to me. We attempted to try one last Zumba game, but the controls for the game were so hard to use that I gave up quickly (come on guys, motion control in moderation, see above for my opinion on its immersiveness).

I feel like I’m not physically strong enough to do the things I once found fun. I know what I was capable of in the past before all of my injuries, and I feel like I just need to grit my teeth and get through some serious training to get back there. It was about this point that we started talking about what I could do to try and find a fun, mild physical activity, because “it’s more likely that you’ll stick to it if it’s fun.”

Mentally, I said, “I haven’t found anything fun in a long time.”

Oooooh. Depression you sneaky bastard.

It was at this point that I mentioned that I really wanted to start dancing again, but that I wouldn’t be able to because of my auditory sensitivities. Dance studios are usually large rooms with hard surfaces that echo EVERYTHING, and the one adult class I tried to go to went way too fast. (I may have taken lessons for a decade, but it’s been over a decade since I quit, so I definitely need a refresher. Private lessons would probably be ideal, but HAHAHA who am I kidding, I have no income to pay for that).

Puzzled, she looked at me and said, “How did you take lessons for 10 years if the sound was too much for you?” I replied that I didn’t used to be this sensitive to noise, it’s only been the last few years that it’s gotten so bad that I can’t do most of the things I used to enjoy, musical endeavors included.

Ooooooh, also probably contributing to the depression.

“Oh,” she said. “You know, I’m taking a training course for our Sound Sensitivity therapy next week. I tried it already with one of the kids I work with, and it made a huge difference. It’s a 5 hour program, and you can do most of it at home.”

Oh hey. I didn’t even know therapy like that existed. And here I thought I’d be jumping out of my skin at ALL THE NOISES forever. I mean, there’s no guarantee that it’s going to work for me, but it at least gave me something to look forward to. I also made an appointment with my psychologist for next week, because depression is a sneaky bastard and I need some help untangling that mess. So yeah, feeling a tiny bit better about things this week…even though I still forgot 2 appointments last week.

Sigh. One thing at a time.

Adventures in Therapy

Masterpost Blues

I’ve been trying to come up with some kind of “SPD masterpost” series since I started group therapy a few weeks ago (and individual therapy last week). It’s really interesting, and I’ve learned a lot about the current research going on for SPD. They always give us handouts, and we usually do some kind of activity as well. I think the information is really good and I want to try and bring that to people.

But when it comes to putting the actual post together…maybe I’m just not a “masterpost” kind of writer. Or maybe the words just haven’t come to me yet.

Honestly the things that keep coming to me are some serious doubts about how effective the occupational therapy will be. This isn’t because the therapist isn’t skilled, it’s more because I’m afraid that treatment doesn’t yet exist for my most pressing symptoms: hypersensitivity to noise and smells. Sure, I can cut through the sensory input to complete a task for a test or during a session, but in real life? When I walk past someone at the store with too much perfume, or when something gets dropped on a hard floor, what is there to help with that? My threshold for these things is much lower than the general population, and from what I’m reading about other adults, this is nearly impossible to change. Most of the therapy so far has focused on knowing how to recognize when my body is reaching its limits, which is very valuable, and I’m getting much better at it.

Well, at least she had a good suggestion last week: Do some job shadowing while I’m in limbo. Not so much for the “what” and “why” as much as the sensory needs. I can be happy doing almost any type of work, because I find so many different things interesting and I can figure most things out with proper training and guidance. Finding purpose is not difficult for me either, it comes down to a combination of being interested in the work and valued by the organization. However, the only way to know if the sensory needs will align with mine is through some real-life experience. Every work environment is so specific, even within a particular field. I need to find people I know that have worked in a variety of different places, so that I can get as much information as possible. It’s likely that whatever I choose will require more schooling, so I’d like to get an idea if it will actually work for me before I take the plunge and spend all that time and money.

Things are still hard, I’m still struggling physically with back pain and some hand issues, but both are getting better. Only thing to do is keep moving forward, even though I just feel like I’m spinning in circles the whole time.


Masterpost Blues